Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four   Part Five   Part Six

No Relationship Between Believers and Unbelievers

Believers in Jesus Christ are in the world (Philippians 2:15), but they are not of the world (John 17:14).  Scripture many times says that believers are “children of God” (Galatians 3:26, 1 John 5:2), also referred to as “children of light” (Ephesians 5:8).  On the other hand, Jesus said that unbelievers are of their father, the devil (John 8:44), John called them the “children of the devil” (1 John 3:10), and they’re also called “children of disobedience” (Eph 2:2) or “children of wrath” (Eph 2:3).

A relationship between a believer and an unbeliever is incongruous and incompatible.  If relationship is defined by what is between the members of the Godhead, it is non-existent.  Paul writes that believers will need to be with unbelievers (1 Corinthians 5:9-10):

I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.

Believers will be in proximity to unbelievers as neighbors, at work, on public transportation, and a host of other ways.  I recognize that they function together in the world, just like Paul wrote above. That happens, but the nature of a believer so clashes with an unbeliever, that there is no relationship between them.  Only one has the life of God in him.  At best, a believer and an unbeliever can experience in a joint way, the grace of this life (1 Peter 3:7), which is given to both saved an unsaved.  The “common ground” is “common grace,” both the just and the unjust experiencing gracious life-sustaining rain (Matthew 5:45).  God provided food for everyone.  There are things to talk about that both share that both enjoy as travelers on this earth.  These graces of life, provided by God, are far inferior as an attraction than Jesus and eternal things for a believer.  The unbeliever isn’t even giving God credit for them, and the believer shouldn’t be okay with that.

The scriptural goal with an unbeliever is evangelism.  Relationship comes, not by common ground or interests, but by evangelism.  A believer comes into relationship with an unbeliever, when the unbeliever believes.  Jesus, the Apostles, the New Testament teach preaching the gospel to the lost.  If an believer, however, wants to get along with an unbeliever, he might not preach, because preaching, although required by God, is unacceptable to the unbeliever.

Danger for Believer and Unbeliever Relationship

The relationship with the unbeliever for a believer calls for tolerance.  Instead of reproving sin, he tolerates it.  Sin offends God, but the believer is more concerned with pleasing the unbeliever, so he permits or excuses it.  The path for the believer looks like the regression of Psalm 1.  He walks with it, then stands with it, and finally sits with it.  He becomes accustomed to it.  He doesn’t hate it any more like God does.  This is poison for anyone, but especially a believer.  A believer will not keep living this way, because it conflicts with his nature.  Unbelievers hate light.  Believers hate darkness.

I witness this on a regular basis on social media.  I see professing believers who maintain rapport with unbelievers by not pointing out their sin.  The name of God or Jesus is never mentioned.  It’s as if scripture is off limits.  The use of foul language is often deemed acceptable.  The temporal, popular, or worldly are welcome and celebrated.  No criticism of that is tolerable.  The offense of an unbeliever is unacceptable, while the offense of God is rampant.

The light of a believer will clash with an unbeliever.  In the same context as John 3:16, speaking to Nicodemus, Jesus explained the contradiction (John 3:19-21):

19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20 For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 21 But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God. 

Professing believers, in order to get along with unbelievers, have to hide their light.  At the beginning of His Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:14-15) and in describing the nature of true believers, those who are saved, Jesus says they will not hide their light under a bushel, but will let it shine.  In a wonderful expression of his own life, Paul exclaimed that he was not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation (Romans 1:16).  Hiding light is the same thing as being ashamed.  It’s actually that we are ashamed of Jesus Himself, who died for us, if we are truly saved people.  It could also just be fear or a harmful love for the world.

God created man with a need to belong.  It was not good that Adam was alone (Genesis 2:18), but believers belong in the church with other believers.  There is actually no alternative to that if they live according to their own nature.  Jesus warned the disciples about this in the upper room discourse, especially in John 15:18-25:

18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. 19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. 20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me. 22 If I had not come and spoken unto them, they had not had sin: but now they have no cloke for their sin. 23 He that hateth me hateth my Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which none other man did, they had not had sin: but now have they both seen and hated both me and my Father. 25 But this cometh to pass, that the word might be fulfilled that is written in their law, They hated me without a cause.

This is a long bit of text that is worth reading.  It was fulfilled in Acts just like Jesus predicted.  If it isn’t happening, it’s because the professing believer has changed, not the unbeliever.

The Harm of Association with an Unbeliever

When a believer decides he will try to get along, like Lot, many harmful effects come with his attempting to keep the gap bridged between himself and an unbeliever.  The Bible warns all over about this.

One, he will not grow like Psalm 1 describes, as a tree planted along a river of water.  He will dry up spiritually, because there is no sustenance.  He will bring forth less fruit.  I say less, because believers will bear some fruit.  Two, his own behavior will be corrupted.  Paul told the Corinthians that their doctrine denial came under the influence of “evil communications.”  In order to to try fit in with the world, believers attempt to conform.  Paul commanded in Romans 12:2, be not conformed to this world.  When believers fellowship with the lost, they adapt their behavior to lost behavior.

Sadly, today whole churches have become worldly churches, because they have conformed themselves to unbelievers.  Instead of worshiping God in reverence, they offer God fleshly, worldly worship, which God doesn’t accept.  These churches become more worldly, like we see with the church at Thyatira in Revelation 2.  More and more toleration begets acceptance and then conformity.  In the Old Testament, this is Jeroboam building golden idols at Dan and Bethel.  Today you see pictures of churches or at least gatherings that look like night clubs.  To justify this kind of worship and behavior, they have to change their doctrine, especially their view of the grace of God.

A person who tolerates unbelievers will develop a taste for worldly things and then very often seek out a worldly church that will accept his worldliness.  These churches have become expert at condoning their behavior.  They even proclaim a superiority, because they emphasize (as I covered in part 3) “relationship” and grace and the internal over the external.  They scoff at pure churches with the notion that these churches are about “rules” and not “relationship.”

Darkness is not some arbitrary essence.  Darkness is not submitting to light, which includes rules.  Eating of the tree in the garden was darkness.  Obeying God is light.  Sin is the transgression of the law.  The law is a set of rules.  When someone steals from a person, that’s violating rule, which affects the relationship.  The rules that are the ten commandments are loving God and loving others, which is a relationship with God and with men.

Rule for Relationship

A first rule for relationship is have and keep the relationship.  The relationship with God must start through reception of the gospel and then through submission to God.  This requires the disciplines of living the Christian life.  Because of the relationship with God, which I will explore in future posts, a believer will start, have, and maintain relationship with other believers.  The relationship between believers is a familial relationship that will occur in and through a church.  It is characteristic of a saved person, no clearer explained than in 1 John 2:19:

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us,, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.

An alternative to this example is that of Demas in 2 Timothy 4:10:

For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world.

If you are a believer, then you will experience being forsaken by someone.  Forsaking other believers, 1 John 2:19 shows, manifests unbelief.  Someone who professed to be a child of light actually loved darkness more.  He was willing to forsake a relationship for the world.  This is not like God in the Trinitarian relationship.  God didn’t abandon His Son, nor the Son His Father.  It wasn’t possible.  In the same way, it’s not possible for a true believer.

As we before established from scripture, light is truth and obedience, the right belief and practice of scripture.  Darkness is not believing and practicing the truth.  Not maintaining the relationship between believers is very serious. Jesus preached in His longest sermon (Matthew 5:21-24):

21 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: 22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. 23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; 24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

An unwillingness to reconcile is murder in the heart, and I’ll start there in the next post.

More to Come