Unconditional Respect

Men from my era grew up learning unconditional respect.  The men before me taught us to respect our parents.  Was that right?  Sure.  “Honor thy Father and thy Mother” (Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16, Matthew 15:4, 19:19, Mark 7:10, 10:19, Luke 18:20, and Ephesians 6:2).  Did they base this respect on any prerequisites from the parents?  No.  You just did it.  And you just do it.

People today for sure hear and talk about unconditional love.  When scripture commands, Husbands love your wives (Ephesians 5:25), you love your wives.  It’s not, love your wives, depending on what they do for you.  The example for this is Jesus — “even as Christ also loved the church.”

It comes with a certain disclaimer, but I recommend the book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emmerson Eggerichs.  The subtitle of the book gives away the main point of the book, “The Respect He Desperately Needs.”  Many books on marriage major on unconditional love.  I’ve not read a book that had properly represented unconditional respect.

Ephesians 5:31

Eggerichs backs his proposition with Ephesians 5:31 as a theme verse:  “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”  Yes, Love your wives, not depending on what they do for you.  But also, respect (reverence) your husbands, not depending on what they do for you.

Without a doubt a husband helps his wife in her role of respect by loving her.  The converse is also true though.  Without a doubt a wife helps her husband in his role of love by respecting him.  I would contend as Eggerichs does in the book that most couples say they believe in unconditional love but have not considered unconditional respect.  He depends on more than Ephesians 5:31 to make this point (Consider 1 Peter 3:1-2).  There are others.  But it is a scriptural teaching.

Couples would revolutionize their marriages by taking heed to both, unconditional love and unconditional respect.  I would say, with special attention to the latter.  It’s the one most ignored and that’s patently obvious in our society today.

Men Respecting Men Too

Taking my theme for this post into another application.  Men, you won’t do well at helping other men, when you won’t show them the respect God intends either.  You should respect the position or office of other men.  Men may not show you respect if you won’t give it.

You defraud a man when you operate outside of his authority.  This is following the chain of command.  Just because you have authority over a man, it doesn’t mean you have authority in a sphere where he holds authority.  I’m talking about with his wife and children.  If you circumvent a man with his wife and children, don’t be surprised if you lose him as a leader.

You might get the like and maybe even the love of women when you disrespect a man.  Do not expect to get the respect of men though.

Sphere of Authority

As men, we also should try very hard not to embarrass a man within a sphere of his authority.  Don’t take personal conversations outside the personal without asking his permission.  You understand.  This shows him respect.  This is just a sample of what we should understand as a “man code.”

Scripture also says something about honoring, giving special respect to, older men.

Leviticus 19:32, Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD.

1 Timothy 5:1, Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;

Society has become more and more egalitarian.  Especially young people want respect with almost never giving respect themselves to others.

I’ve written about the general principle of respect for men.  God created men this way.  Much more can be said about how to respect a man.  First though, may we acknowledge the general principle.