Whatever came between two parties that was a barrier for reconciliation most often continues to be why they need a mediator. Before they can reconcile, they must come together, but they cannot even come together without mediation either. The two sides need a mediator before a conversation can or will occur that could lead to a restoration in the relationship.
A first party says the fault is on the other side. The second party says the first party is the one at fault. Both sides dig in or stiffen their backs. They both at the same time say, “It’s not my fault! He started it!” Now they cannot even listen to each other. It’s possible that emotion and personal grievance disallows either side from seeing their own fault.
I grew up playing chess, but not enough to be any good. Even when I did, I played with a self-destructive myopia. I was so focused on my own pieces and where I would move them, that I missed what the other player was doing. I lacked perspective to see all that happened or was happening.
A mediator has an opportunity to see both sides and to call out either one. All each can see is his own side of the board, to go with the chess analogy. He does not see the big picture. He does not see his own offenses, only the ones of the other party. The other side is solely responsible for this break in relationship.
The Olive Branch
Real peace does not come through the threat of destruction or annihilation. It comes by offering what some people call the “olive branch.” The olive branch is a symbol that comes from the Bible, because the dove, which also symbolizes this peace, came back to Noah’s ark, signaling a future on earth for Noah and his family. Through the intermediary, the dove, God offered man an olive branch. Noah and his family offered God a sacrifice.
God had already offered man a way out, a way of salvation through the ark. Noah preached over a hundred years, warning man of his predicament. But man rejected reconciliation and the mediating work of Noah. Later in 1 Peter 3, Peter says that Jesus Himself preached through Noah to those people.
A mediator is an olive branch. The offer of an olive branch, a mediator, says, I want this relationship. I am even willing to sit under judgment, but it must be neutral, it must be just. When the mediator is rejected, that says, I do not want this relationship.
For my lifetime, I have always judged rejection of mediation as rejection of reconciliation. This is not in the nature of a good and loving God, who provided a mediator. It is the opposite of Him. Nothing characterizes God more than forgiveness and reconciliation. The opposite is also true.
Fear or Rejection of Mediation
I understand the fear of mediation. We like to be in control. We want a conversation to turn out like we want it to turn out. That might even seem right to us. “We know the truth and everyone else should believe it like we do. Others just need to kowtow to us, because we have an ethic and method that surpasses others. The mediator would just mess things us. There is a risk that the mediator will say that I have been wrong. I know I’m not wrong.”
Both parties may think the other is proud, both pointing their fingers at the other’s pride. Mediation is a tonic. The proud reject the mediator. He cannot submit to another authority than himself.
No doubt two sides must agree to a good mediator, a neutral arbitrator. True mediators are out there. This is the classic Elijah statement of 7,000 not bowing the knee to Baal. Not every possible mediator has yet bowed the knee to Baal. Some possible mediators have departed from the faith, but not everyone.
Mediation within the church should stay in the church. This is 1 Corinthians 6. When the two parties reside in different churches, however, then a third party comes in. True mediation, just and fair mediation, is very unlikely when the mediator comes from one of the sides. Mediation requires neutrality. No one should hand pick a mediator for his bias.
In my past, I have agreed to mediation from the other side. I just wanted a mediator. A hand picked mediator by only one side is not a good way to go, definitely not the best, but in my opinion it was better than nothing.
The Peacemaker
For my salvation, I trust Jesus Christ. I trust my advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. For earth, I trust someone who I do believe loves both sides. He will obey the truth. I would want him to know the Bible. Use it. He should be strong enough to stand up to either side, unlike the debate moderator I talked about earlier.
Reconciliation, mediation, forgiveness, and restoration are greater than the grievances, the felt personal wrongs. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Eph 4:26). Jesus said, Turn the other cheek (Mt 5:39). Someone turned the other cheek after someone had slapped him. Cheek slapping produced a personal grievance. With mediation, a neutral arbitrator, two people can trade in their grievances for restoration.
The peace of reconciliation contradicts anger. Peace relates to at least two truths. One, peace erases the barrier. Two, peace is an effect of calm or tranquility. Anger keeps from peace and peace solves the anger.
As you read this, I hope you consider or reconsider mediation of a relationship for the purpose of reconciliation. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” Like all the other beatitudes, this is strong language. Children of God want a peacemaker. It characterizes them to want it. A tougher question is, what is a person who does not want a peacemaker? Peacemaking in the Bible means a mediator most of the time. May we consider or reconsider once again by the grace of God.
More to Come
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